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An Inconvenient Truth II: This Time It's Personal

I haven’t specifically been looking for the most hilarious movie review I’ve ever read, but I found it.
You’ve most definitely seen it, it’s a Steven Seagal Classic. I hate Steven Seagal movies, and still I’ve seen it about two times.
Found it on Cracked.com. Here goes:
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On Deadly Ground

The Plot
Steven Seagal IS Forrest Taft, an ex-CIA badass who puts out oil-well fires for a living. How does he put them out? He blows them the fuck up, that’s how! But, when his Big Oil employer (Michael Caine) kills Forrest’s best friend so that the company can keep letting faulty equipment start deadly oil fires and so they can rip off the local Eskimos in some complicated way, Forrest becomes slightly curious. So, his boss tries to blow him up too.

One Eskimo spirit journey later (he fights a fucking bear) …

… Forrest is finally ready to kill some fuckers and blow up some shit for the environment.

The Message
Big Oil is Bad. Let’s Kill the Fuckers.

Think of it as An Inconvenient Truth II: This Time It’s Personal. Of course, Seagal is so ahead of his time that he had the idea more than a decade before Al Gore decided that a slideshow about global warming would be a cool thing to put in a movie. Seriously, the movie ends with our hero giving a 3.5-minute speech (we timed it) about the need for alternative-energy sources.

Significant Quote
“How many of you out there have heard of alternative engines? Engines that can run on anything from alcohol to garbage or water. Or carburetors that can get hundreds of miles to the gallon. Or electric or magnetic engines, that can practically run forever. You don’t know about them because if they were to come into use, they’d put the oil companies out of business… Big Business is primarily responsible for destroying the water we drink, the air we breathe and the food we eat. They have no care for the world they destroy, only for the money they make in the process.” -Forrest Taft

Bonus Message
Eskimos rock, even if we can’t tell them apart from the Chinese.

Yeah, But Do They Still Blow Some Shit Up?
Motherfucker, they blow shit up in the first scene. And, the explosions just keep getting bigger from there. For somebody who cares so much about the environment, this Taft guy sure burns a lot of fossil fuels. Add in some solid fight scenes, excellent shoot-outs and enough blood to fill the dolphin tank at Sea World and kill all the fucking dolphins, and you’ve got one hell of a crazy, dumb action flick.

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